For a long time, I believed that trauma healing was a personal journey. I experienced trauma, and it was my responsibility to heal—with support from a therapist, facilitator, or teacher. But then I came across a quote by Judith Herman that shifted my understanding:
“If traumatic disorders are afflictions of the powerless, then empowerment must be the central principle of recovery. If trauma shames and isolates, then recovery must take place in the community.”
This resonated deeply. As I engaged with women in our fellowships, I witnessed how true these words are.
Empowerment often begins with recognizing our patterns, reclaiming our boundaries, and prioritizing safety—especially by connecting with the body. Our bodies are biological, yes, but they are also relational. Safety, for many of us, is not found in isolation but in connection. The body feels safest when held in the presence of others who see, hear, and honor it. Healing, then, begins not just in solitude, but in community.
Our society has long privileged individualism, but biologically and emotionally, we are wired for connection. And while “family” is often the first place we look for belonging, it can also be the site of harm—particularly for women. Families, unfortunately, can be powerful conduits of gender discrimination and violence.
What we need instead are chosen communities—groups where stories are held with empathy, bodies are treated with respect, and voices are received with dignity. This is what we try to create in our fellowships.
One of the key tools we use is the life map. Each fellow is invited to share her story. And when she does, she is not alone. Others listen. Witness. Reflect. This witnessing is not passive—it is the heart of community healing. It says: “You are not alone. I see you. I’ve walked a path like yours.”
Recently, a participant asked, “Is this storytelling, or is it trauma mining?”
It was a powerful question. I’ve lived through trauma. I’ve sought support—from therapists, teachers, and healers—and their guidance helped. But some of the deepest healing came from sitting in a circle with others who listened without judgment and held space without trying to fix me. That is not trauma mining. That is community medicine.
Trauma mining dwells in self-pity, remains stuck in the story of pain, and strips away agency. But what we do is different. We create space to recognize power—our own and each other's. We share, not to relive the wound, but to reclaim the self.
Together, we work through shame, guilt, impostor syndrome, self-sabotage, fears, and difficulty with boundaries. Through shared stories, we uncover shared realities. And this shared recognition dissolves shame, builds self-worth, and restores a sense of dignity.
This is how trauma healing becomes a political act. By coming together, women reclaim their stories—and in doing so, they begin to dismantle the internalized impact of patriarchy. They strengthen their resolve to challenge the structures that perpetuate gender-based violence.
Healing is not only about what we overcome. It is also about who stands beside us as we do.
by Dr. Sanjyot Pethe, Mental Wellness Specialist at Parity Lab
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