The Drama of Life

Sometimes, I wish life was simple: everyone understood everyone else, treated each other equally, and lived a life of ease and tranquillity. Well, this is just a utopian dream. In reality, we are not meant to live a trouble-free, conflict-free life. We are meant to understand the big drama of life and work towards transforming each moment. We are meant to be tested, and life does a good job of it. When we cannot escape, we manage. The fact that humans have made progress means that we are capable of making the best of challenging situations. 

What comes in the way is a repeated pattern of viewing the drama instead of tapping into our agency.

When I facilitated my first mental wellness workshop for the cohort, I wondered how I could best support them. One of the primary principles we follow at Parity Lab is that each person is the expert of their reality. My job is to bring them face to face with their individual, organizational, and community realities.

We began by introducing them to the concept of trauma and then moved to explore the power within themselves, their emotional makeup, their beliefs, and their underlying needs and values. Then, we decided to shift their gaze to focus outside of themselves. The participants are survivors of trauma, and yet they have created organizations that work with other survivors of violence. The cohort thus consists of victims turned creators. They are survivors, but the trauma keeps the victim alive. Using the drama triangle, the module helped them explore how their positions impact their relationships outside.

The drama triangle was proposed by Stephen Karpman in 1968. It represents dysfunctional social interactions.

We began with a role play. One took the role of the perpetrator (An angry boss), of a victim (An assistant), and a rescuer (another senior-level employee). The drama was enacted for 5 minutes and allowed for rich reflections.

The participants shared their experiences of being all three – victim, persecutor, and rescuer and how it impacts their lives. One woman shared how, for a long time, she considered men as persecutors and would attack them in public. She thus became a perpetrator. It took her time to realize what she was doing and change. Similarly, participants explored how they were rescued in the name of help and the impact it had on them. One participant shared that rescuing depletes her energy, and she finds it difficult to draw boundaries. The participants engaged in a conversation on how playing these roles impacts them and perpetuates the cycle.

In the following session, we explored how to transform this triangle more effectively. 

For example, is the perpetrator a perpetrator or challenger? 

What is the advantage of treating the perpetrator as a challenger? 

What would it mean to support someone by coaching rather than rescuing?

How would their lives transform? 

The ensuing discussion was rich with examples. They spoke about how they created the work that they are doing, how different fellowships or programs helped them grow, and how they looked at various circumstances as challenges.

The advantage of such a session is that it brings them face-to-face with their power. Despite being survivors of violence, they are leading organizations intending to support other survivors and find ways to reduce gender-based violence. They saw the ineffective patterns that result from trauma and what they have been able to do, irrespective of it. They also trace these patterns to the technical aspects of fundraising, building funder relationships, leadership, communication with team members, and interaction with various system entities. It also enables them to see the context in which the community they serve operates.

These workshops are slowly bringing them in touch with the patterns that trouble them. They are also recognizing their strength and agency. They are reflecting, learning, and, in the process, bringing to the forefront those narratives that get lost in the everyday issues they deal with. As they resolve their drama triangle, I do the same. As facilitators, we are as touched as they are.

by: Dr. Sanjyot Pethe, Wellness Associate at Parity Lab